


Peter Parker's Incorrect Quotes Page

by EmilyWeaslette



Series: Peter Parker and the Internet [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Civil War Fix-It, Civil and Infinity Wars didn't happen, Domestic Avengers, Fluff, Incorrect Quotes, Iron Man - Freeform, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Spider-Man - Freeform, Superfamily, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Twitter, because I said so, infinity war fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2019-11-15 23:00:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyWeaslette/pseuds/EmilyWeaslette
Summary: Peter opens an 'incorrect quotes' account for the Avengers on Twitter, without telling them. When the team discovers the account, and Peter is too embarassed to come forward as it's creator, panic and hilarity ensue as the team try to figure out how private conversations are being eavesdropped on. Peter's just trying to avoid being caught.Besides.It was all Shuri's idea.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first work like this... I mean, I've done Marvel fanfiction before, obviously if you've ever seen my account, I've just never done one with Shuri. Or including the shit they get up to on the internet. 
> 
> Some of the quotes, I'll come up with on my own. Some of them, I found on the internet. 
> 
> Peter lives at the Compound now. May lives there, too.

Peter, Ned, Shuri, and MJ were simply hanging out in Peter's room at the Compound. MJ and Shuri were sitting on the bed, Ned laying on the floor, and Peter laying on the ceiling. They were in a lull in the conversation, nobody saying anything, simply enjoying each other's company, when Shuri sat bolt upright. 

"Peter, I have just had the best idea," she announced. "How much shit do you hear the Avengers say to each other on a daily basis?" 

Peter sat up, and shrugged, still on the ceiling. "I dunno. They have a lot of banter and teasing. And, for a group of  _really smart_ people, they say a lot of  _really stupid_ shit a lot." 

"That's perfect," Shuri said, grinning. "We should start one of those 'incorrect quotes' pages on Twitter. Except everything will be directly something the Avengers have said. It'll be hilarious." 

Peter dropped down from the ceiling as Ned sat up, grinning. 

"I dunno," Peter said slowly. "I mean, what if they find it?" 

"Come on, Peter," MJ interjected. "It'll be funny. Besides, the odds of it getting very popular are pretty slim." 

Peter still looked uncertain, until Ned spoke. 

"Peter, I am literally begging you to do this," he said. "I have been here for thirty minutes and I have already heard a huge amount of things I would love to tell everyone about, but can't because that would mean telling them I was here, which I can't do because then I'd end up blurting out the truth about Spider-Man. Please. Just start the damn account." 

Peter sighed, but reached over and grabbed his phone. Shuri and Ned cheered, while MJ seemed to be fighting a smile. 

"What should the first quote be?" he asked. 

"What's the dumbest thing you've heard today?" Shuri asked. 

Peter thought for a moment. "Steve and Tony were arguing about whether an elevator could go up with Thor's hammer in it or not." 

"Cool. So post that one," Ned shrugged. "And from now on, just write down anything funny they say." 

"I have a spare notebook you can use," MJ provided. 

Peter rolled his eyes and began typing. After a moment, he showed his phone to his friends. "How's that?" 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Tony: *enters room* *looks at Steve***

**Tony: I still say the elevator would go up.**

**Steve: For the love of God, Tony, it's been three years.**

**Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Steve: The elevator is not worthy.**

**Bruce: What are you talking about?**

**Tony: If Thor's hammer was in an elevator, would it go up?**

**Bruce: Guys, we're _working_ right now. **

**Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Bruce:**

**Bruce: Holy _shit_ -**

Ned and Shuri began to laugh. MJ even cracked a smile. 

"That's  _great_ ," Ned said enthusiastially. "Did you post it?" 

Peter tapped the screen. "There. Posted." 

MJ pulled a notebook out of her backpack and tossed it to Peter. "Carry that everywhere you go, and write down  _everything_." 

Peter rolled his eyes. "What if someone sees it?" 

Shuri shrugged. "Then you might have to come clean. Just don't let anybody see what's in it and you'll be fine. Now come on, I'm hungry." 

\-----

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Bucky: *strumming on acoustic guitar***

**Sam: Do you take requests?**

**Bucky: *shrugs* I guess**

**Sam: Stop.**

**Bucky:**

**Bucky: *slaps drink out of Sam's hand***

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Tony: For the love of God, Bruce, literally nobody cares about your Hogwarts House.**

**Bruce: I care! Sam was insulting it!**

**Tony: Get over it.**

**Bruce:**

**Bruce: Sam also said that Slytherins suck.**

**Tony:**

**Tony: Do you want to FIGHT, Wilson?**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Natasha: Sometimes brb stands for be ready bitch so you have to be careful.**

**Everyone: *takes a step back***

 

The Incorrect Avengers Quotes account had blown up. The first two days, hardly anybody had seen it, and nobody really cared. Then Shuri tagged it in a tweet, and suddenly it had thousands of followers, retweets, likes, and comments. And it was harmless; Until Tony called a meeting. 

Peter walked into the conference room to see Tony pacing up and down, holding his phone in his hand. Everyone else was sitting at the table, looking serious and confused. 

"What's up?" Peter asked nervously. 

Tony turned to him. "Have you seen his?" 

Peter took Tony's phone, glancing at the screen, before choking and almost dropping the phone. 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Bruce: Where the fuck...**

**Tony: What have you lost this time?**

**Bruce: My glasses! I can't find them anywhere!**

**Tony: *staring at Bruce's glasses, which are on his head***

**Tony: I'll help you find them for ten bucks.**

Peter laughed nervously. "Um... no, I hadn't seen it. Why?" 

Tony resumed his pacing. "You, me, and Bruce were the only ones in the lab when that conversation happened. I didn't post that. You and Bruce both say you didn't. Which means that somebody has been eavesdropping on us. But FRIDAY said that we were the only ones on the  _floor_ when that happened. Which concerns me a little. I did a scan for any hidden tech, too. There was nothing." 

Steve ran a hand down his face. "Are you sure it's a problem?" 

Tony glared at him incredulously. "Am I- yes, I'm sure it's a problem! Somebody has found some way to listen in on conversations that can't be detected by a team of superheroes, a bunch of security guards and cameras, and an AI that can  _literally_ see all. I'd say that's cause for concern." 

Clint sighed. "Alright. We'll keep an eye out. But let's not freak out just yet. It could be nothing." 

Tony gave everyone a glare, before rolling his eyes and stalking out of the conference room. The rest of the team trickled out after him, but before Peter could leave, Natasha stopped him. 

"You're a terrible liar," she said simply. 

Peter turned bright red, and began sputtering, but Natasha held up a hand. 

"And that is why," she said. "I won't tell him. He and Sam tried to prank me the other day, so I'll call this payback. Just don't stop. It's kind of funny watching him panic." 

Peter grinned at her. She gave a slight smile back, before leaving the conference room. Peter let out a small, incredulous laugh, before hurrying to his room to text Ned, MJ, and Shuri about what had just happened. 

\-------

"Oh my god, they think somebody's eavesdropping on them?" Ned laughed. "That is  _gold_!" 

"And Natasha approves?" Shuri confirmed. 

Peter rolled his eyes. "Yes. She said she wouldn't tell him as long as I didn't stop." 

"You've gotta post something about this," Ned said urgently. "It'll send them into a complete panic!" 

Peter sighed, but pulled his phone out of his pocket and began typing. Before he posted the tweet, he showed it to Shuri, Ned, and MJ. "That good?" 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Guys omg the Avengers think I'm a superspy that's found a way to eavesdrop on their conversations, this is great**

"Yes," Ned nodded vigorously. "That's  _fantastic!_ " 

Peter rolled his eyes, hit post, and grinned slightly in spite of himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Clint: *wearing new t-shirt* How do I look, Wanda?**

**Wanda: *not looking up from her book* With your eyes, Clint.**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**Steve, being Rightous and Patriotic: If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.**

**Natasha, polishing her knives: Kill two.**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**(on a mission that's going downhill)**

**Clint: I shouldn't have come. I knew it, I shouldn't have come. I should have stayed in bed this morning.**

**Steve: *rolls eyes* There's safety in numbers, Clint.**

**Clint: There's also death in numbers, Steve. It's called a massacre**.

The account had rapidly gained popularity, and was still going strong. Tony was slowly losing his mind, trying to figure out how someone was 'listening in on private conversations', and he and Steve had had many arguments about it already. ('It is important, Steve, that was on a mission, for fuck's sake-')

Steve was just not convinced it was as big a deal as Tony thought it was.

Peter was currently having a 'meeting' with Ned, MJ, and Shuri, discussing how they wanted to let this play out.

"Peter, you've got to put Spider-Man in there, or you, it looks suspicious if you don't," Shuri was saying.

"How can I put myself in without revealing who I am?" Peter asked.

"Easy," MJ cut Shuri off before she even had a chance to speak. "Just refer to yourself as 'Tony's Dumbass Intern.' TDI, for short."

Peter gave her a light glare. "Thanks for that."

"You know she's right, Peter," Shuri said. "Now come on, what's something funny that you've done recently?"

Peter shrugged. "I used Gen Z humor in front of Steve."

Ned laughed loudly. "Oh my God, use that one. That was hilarious!"

Peter pulled out his phone and began typing.

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes**  @incorrectavengers

**Tony's Dumbass Intern, a Gen Z kid, at lake with the team: *skips rocks while eating a sandwich***

**TDI: *throws sandwich into lake, bites rock***

**TDI: Why won't God just fucking kill me?**

**Steve, artifact from World War II: Are... are you okay, kid?**

**TDI: *finger guns* Absolutely not.**

**\----------**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**T'Challa: so do you ever hear the Winder Soldier in your head anymore?**

**Bucky: Sometimes.**

**T'Challa: What does he say?**

**Bucky: Sometimes he makes plans to murder everyone within a ten-foot radius. Other times, he reminds me to pick up the bagels Steve wanted because Steve likes bagels.**

**Incorrect Avengers Quotes** @incorrectavengers

**TDI, holding a box: What would you say if I came home with four puppies**

**Tony:**

**TDI:**

**Tony: What's in the box**

**TDI:**

**Tony: *****, what's in the box?**

**TDI: I think you know**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes:** @incorrectavengers

**Vision, slicing tomatos: Knowledge is knowing the tomato is a fruit**

**Tony: Then wisdom is not putting a fucking tomato on your fruit salad, Vision**

**TDI: So philosophy is wondering if that makes ketchup a smoothie**

**Rhodey: Common sense is knowing that ketchup is not a fucking smoothie**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes:** @incorrectavengers

**Spider-Man: When I get murdered, make sure it's an unsolved case**

**Tony: What?**

**Spider-Man: I want to end up on Buzzfeed Unsolved!**

**Steve: How about we go back to the part where he said 'when I get murdered'**

**\----------**

Author's Note: SO

It's occured to me

That there's something I should tell you

This takes place after Infinity War. That will matter in the next chapter. However, we are ignoring the end of Endgame and all of FFH, because no thank you. So we're just gonna pretend the time travel thing went wonderfully, the team is back together, nobody died, there is Morgan but she probably won't come into play much. Also, Tony bought back the tower because why the fuck not. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Incorrect Avengers Quotes:** @incorrectavengers

***team dinner***

**Steve: Hey, Buck, what was your favorite part of living in the 40s?**

**Bucky: The fact that none of the rest of you were born yet**

**The rest of the Avengers: *mildly offended expression***

**Tony: That's fair**

\-------------

Tony was losing his mind. 

He'd called multiple meeting, had doubled security, had FRIDAY constantly running surveillance and searching for hidden technology or suspicious-looking people, and had come up with nothing. He was about ready to shoot someone, it was making him so crazy. And what made it even worse was the fact that nobody else seemed at all concerned about it. Steve kept telling him he was getting worked up over nothing, Bruce consistently told him to 'calm the fuck down, Tony, it's really not a big deal.' Peter acted strange whenever he brought it up, which would have raised red flags with anyone else, but Tony had long since learned that he was never going to understand today's teenagers. So, Tony did the only thing he could do; Had FRIDAY monitor all the technology in the tower, and let him know immediately if she found anything. So far, nothing, and the posts kept appearing. 

\--------------

Peter had caved, and let the rest of the team in on the secret. After Natasha, Clint and Bucky had soon found out, and soon, Peter decided it would be easier to just tell everyone. It turned out that was the right move; they were feeding him content from when he wasn't in the room, or even the building, so it didn't become so obvious that the only things that appeared had happened while he was there. Even FRIDAY was in on it; Peter had managed to get her to not turn him in to Tony. She'd agreed, and also sent him information about what was said when almost nobody was in the tower. The team was losing their minds watching Tony lose his mind. And Peter had a post for that day that would  _definitely_ drive Tony crazier than anything else. 

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes:** @incorrectavengers

**Spider-Man: Iron Man**

**Spider-Man: Iron man**

**Spider-Man: Does whatever iron can**

**Spider-Man: Does he rust?**

**Spider-Man: Yes he does**

**Spider-Man: And once he watched me turn to dust-**

**Tony: *screams***

 

Sure enough, Tony called a meeting only an hour after it was posted. He walked into the room, kicked the door shut, and slammed his phone onto the table. 

"You listen here, you little shits," he hissed. "I know it's one of you doing it. I don't know how you're doing it, unless you somehow corrupted FRIDAY, but I am  _really_ fucking sick of it. So, either you come clean now, or I will personally search each and every one of your devices, and whoever's fault it is gets kicked out. Understand?" 

The team all exchanged glances, trying to hide their grins. 

"Now," Tony continued. "There are some  _suspicious characters_ in here. There are definitely some I blame more than others. America's Golden Boy over there can't lie to save his life. Peter would never lie to me. The rest of you just aren't idiots, except for two of you." he glared at Clint and Bucky. "So, do you two want to tell me what's been going on, or do I need to conduct a search?" 

Finally, Peter couldn't hold it in anymore. He snorted, causing everyone to turn to face him. 

"Sorry," he managed to get out, before bursting out laughing. "Sorry," he choked out again, before managing to compose himself a bit. "It's just... Mr. Stark, it wasn't them. At first. I mean, it was Shuri's idea, but technically, I was the one gathering the conversations. And posting them. And I got the rest of the team, and FRIDAY, to help me out." 

Tony stared blankly at him. 

"Sorry?" Peter said again, dissolving again into a fit of giggles. 

"Fucking hell," Tony snapped, stalking out of the room. 

The rest of the team fell to pieces then, laughing their heads off. Peter looked a bit worried, but FRIDAY quickly informed him that Tony wasn't actually mad. In fact, he was currently on Twitter, looking through all of Peter's posts, and laughing quietly to himself. 

"I can't believe how long you managed to keep that going," Natasha commented, once the laughter had died down. 

"Neither can I!" Peter said, delighted. "I can't wait to tell Ned, MJ, and Shuri!" 

The team fell again into chaotic laughter.

\-------

 **Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist:** @therealtonystark

**Who wants to see embarrassing pictures of my dumbass intern**

 

 **Incorrect Avengers Quotes:** @incorrectavengers

**MR STARK NO**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end of that. Sorry it took me so fucking long to post this, I was having writer's block and then got grounded from electronics. Anyway.   
> Hope you enjoyed that, and sorry for the author's note at the end of the last chapter, I completely forgot that chapter notes was an option! Thanks for reading this!


End file.
